Went should you call a girl back?

I recently encouraged my best friend, to observe the “Three Day Rule” regarding when to call a chick after getting her number. The popular wisdom is that by waiting three days to re-establish contact you can fool her into thinking you’re not as desperate as you probably are. It’s a solid strategy and a good rule of thumb for amateurs like this bro, but there’s a more technical approach for intrepid souls that requires both advanced expertise and polished skills… the “Four Day Rule.”


As explained in my New York Times Best-selling book, “The Bro Code,” waiting four days instead of three gives you a considerable edge when it comes to winning over a woman, but this strategy raises many frequently asked questions from gentlemen callers:


If I girl gives me her number, doesn’t that mean she wants me to call her? Why do I have to wait so long?

If you call a girl right away and other guys follow suit, eventually women will expect timely correspondence… and that’s an unnecessary burden for everyone.


Okay, then why don’t I just wait a week, or a month, or even a year? Waiting a week makes her think you were too scared to call and a month makes it seem like you’re even more desperate than calling her the first night. As far as waiting a year, experiments are underway to determine at what exact time period a belated call from the past will fool a chick into thinking you haven’t been able to get her out of your mind after all this time, which can lead to some spirited nostalgic sex.


I scored a few phone numbers over the weekend and I’m worried I will mess up the days and call too soon or too early. What should I do? Spreadsheet. Heh.

Okay, I’ve waited ninety-six hours. When’s the best time to call her? Call during the middle of the day. You’ll have a better chance of catching her voicemail, and then, with any luck, the ball will be in her court. If the gods are in your favor, you might even be able to set something up without ever actually having to talk with her.

There's some type of Relationship Advance In Here

I wanted to spent lot of my summer chilling out with my special lady buddy. According to my social colleague, Lily, that wasn’t a precise enough definition of our time together. You see, as a gentleman I generally prefer not to kiss and tell (unless I’ve nailed a ten or accomplished a particularly athletic sexual feature… and also, just to be clear, I’ve slept with her A LOT). But Lily has carelessly thrown around words like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and – worst of all – “relationship.”..... I don’t think so....right.... Look it up.

re·la·tion·ship [ree-ley-shuh n-ship] – A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other.

I mean, how ridiculous can one get? “Connection existing between people”?! What are we, Siamese twins? “related to”....Um, no. Gross. “Dealings with each other”? We don’t have dealings, we have intercourse! Crazy, “here put this on” intercourse! Clearly,  her and I are not in a “relationship.” But since Lily refuses to let it go, I thought I’d offer up some better definitions of how two people choose to interact… well, the PG version anyway.

hook·ing up [hoo-k-ing up] - When two people do it, consistently, but aren’t hanging out during daylight hours – unless it’s for the express purpose of getting it on.

hang·ing out [hang – ing – owt] – The process of participating in an organized activity together – such as a movie or dinner - followed shortly thereafter by furious banging.

see·ing where things are go·ing [see-ing wair things ahr going] – The process in which two people hang out, hook up, and do everything they can not to think about what it means.

da·ting – [day-ting] 1) The first time seeing where things are going fails. 2) Hanging out without the guarantee of sex.

marr·iage – [marr-edge] see: suicide.

play·ing the field – [play-ing the feeeeld] – Banging as many people as possible.

just friends – [just frends] – Two people who probably could’ve banged that one night but didn’t and it’s been a little weird ever since. They’ve thought about it, though.

Barn·man and Rob·in [barn-man and rob-in] – A delightful and humorous play on words meant to equate Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky with popular comic book superheroes Batman and Robin, but instead of fighting crime they like to have sex in public places… but they do sometimes wear costumes, so… yeah.

Getting laid too easy? Heres a lilltle game to try out.

“If you don’t use it, you lose it” is an ancient biblical proverb that I strictly follow in my pursuit of being awesome. It’s a scientific fact that your awesome muscles can atrophy if not properly tested on a consistent basis. This of course is why I recently accepted the challenge of trying to get laid while wearing a pair of overalls – (Sex Difficulty Level - 8.2). However, please keep in mind that not everyone’s at my master level – so here are a few easier ones to try to keep in shape and thus not “lose it.”


Leather Vest* Difficulty level 5.7


A vest should never be seen outside a perfectly tailored three piece suit. Ladies, with their heightened sense of fashion, instinctually know this. NOTE: the difficulty level drops to a 2.1 if worn in a biker bar and down to a 1.4 if worn at a rodeo.


Fast Food Uniform* Difficulty level 6.9 / 4.8 (city/highway)

By proudly declaring your minimum wage status you might think the ladies will refuse to show interest. However, in this case, it’s all about the demographic. Cougars looking to recapture the glow of their youth will find you irresistible, especially if said uniform is complete w/ a funny wedge cap. NOTE: Remember to shave as a baby face is the ticket to glory.


Hawaiian Shirt* Difficulty level 2.4

Loud prints and a complete lack of tailoring may be repellant to you, but like the fast food uniform above, it will appeal to a certain demographic – in this case girls with daddy issues. The shirt will remind them of the infrequent vacations with their families, the only time in their childhood where dad paid any attention to them at all – at least before he was four umbrella drinks deep.


Vampire* Difficulty level 1.0


If you need a confidence boost try this one. Simply apply some white face powder and a soulful yet wounded gaze. Mention that you have been alive for a hundred years and that the moment you saw her, you knew she was the one you had waited an eternity for. Refuse to eat or drink anything in her presence and rattle off some sob stories about how much it rains in your small Washington town.


* Null and void if you’re in a band. Rocker types can wear anything and get laid. Cheating? Yes. Awesome? Also yes

I know it's not MLK today but i was thinking.

If Today was Martin Luther King Day;then i would write something to....honor him. he was a pretty awesome bro. He taught us to have dreams and stuff. So I thought I’d share with you mine: 


I Have A Dream


I have a dream that one day all bros will rise up and live out the true meaning of their creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident - that all boobs are created pretty good." 


I have a dream that one day black and white chicks will come together in my bed.


I have a dream that all peoples of this great nation will suit up together and that polyester will be abolished forever.


I have a dream that one day, all tee-shirts will be wet and boob jobs will be free.


I have a dream that there will be a television network that shows only “Predator” 24 hours a day.


I have a dream that feels like I’m falling and then I wake up before I hit the ground. It happens a lot. Should I see a doctor or something?


I have a dream that babies don’t cry on planes, that men don’t wear Uggs, that “second base” replaces the handshake, that girls leave when you’re done, that there are no waits for cabs, that I can look at a woman’s chest area without getting a dirty look. Yeah, you wore that blouse because you don’t want me to look there. ha yeah right! 


I have a dream

Whose the hottess Victoria's Secret model?

Ha! like it really matter there are no other girls hotter then these models who Victoria had a very difficult time trying to keep secret from us. i was thinking today went i was been memorized by Adriana Lima

Then i though about Miranda Kerr who is like the cutest hottest women ever well almost. I mean come on can you find something that is wrong with her. Dont worry i'll wait....still waiting..... i know right there is nothing i mind how can there be. But hottest Secret? I dont know.

after Miranda  i though of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and how freakishly hot she is. oh and Rosie is so hot that she actually replaced Megan Fox's job to be hot in the new transformers 3 movie so you  know Rosie is super doper hot. oh and that  probably the last time im going to say super doper.

I could go on and on about whose hot and whose hotter but its a just going to keep getting more and more difficult to decide so i present you Marissa Miller. Who i personally think is not only the hottest Victoria's Secret model but actually the hottest women alive! yeah i know what i said and i said alive! dont believe me? take a look for your self.

Oh and theres also Candice Swanepoel whose cool too. ;-)

 

what history says

My best friend and I recently had a disagreement. He thinks when you tell a story you should stick to the facts no matter how boring or lame they are. But that’s stupid. And you know who agrees with me? History. History is full of awesome stories that obviously aren’t true. 

Alexander the Great 320 B.C.

What History Says: By the time he was 29 he had conquered much of the civilized world, uniting the lands of Greece, Persia and Egypt.

Truth: Have you ever heard of anyone in their twenties who does anything other than test the upper limits of his alcohol tolerance and work on growing new and exciting facial hair configurations? Exactly. Alexander, or “A-Train,” as his friends called him, was no different. Truth is, the only conquering he ever did was beating his friend Darius once at beer pong. It was an impressive showing, however. A-Train came back from a five cup deficit, then won in a gripping back-and-forth overtime. Darius died that night from alcohol poisoning.

Boston Tea Party December 16, 1773

What History says: A bunch of colonists were upset over the Tea Act passed by the British Government, so they protested by throwing hundreds of chests of tea into the harbor, thus helping to spark the American Revolution.

Truth: The Boston Tea Party was, in fact, an actual tea party, complete with tiny cups, lace doilies and sugar cubes. The colonists talked about how upset they were, then cried. Oprah was there. Frankly, it was a low point for our founding bros.

Gettysburg Address November 19, 1863

What History Says: School children are captivated by the story of Noble Abe penning his great speech on the back of an envelope on his way to Gettysburg.

Truth: Old Abe totally forgot he was supposed to give a speech that day. He’d been up all night playing Dungeons and Dragons and drinking Fanta with his buddy, Ulysses. Boy was he wrecked. He just got up there and started stringing words together. “Four score” isn’t even a number… it’s a solid weekend. What up.

Titanic April 10, 1912

What History Says: The Titanic, the largest passenger ship of its time, embarked on its maiden and a mere four days later, the supposedly unsinkable ship hit an iceberg and sank.

Truth: Really!? Downed by an ice cube!? I don’t think so. Actually, around day three of the voyage they came across an island of beautiful women. The men decided to put the women and children in life boats and then sailed back to the island to live out their days in coital bliss. But the truth doesn’t get you a large insurance settlement.

Moon Landing July 20, 1969
What History Says: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin climbed out of their space capsule, into an atmosphere with no oxygen and minimal gravity, and planted the American flag on the surface of the moon.

Truth: Uh, it’s the freakin’ moon. It’s super far away. Obviously, no one can get there. It takes like a year just to get to Jersey. Neil and Buzz probably spent the afternoon by the pool, drinking martinis and sexually harassing chicks because it was the 60’s and that’s what astronauts did. Honestly, that sounds just as, if not more, awesome.

what up!!(high pitch voice) so today i was thinking what would be a good thing to talk about and since i LOVE women i though picking the hot babes of the week would be something good so i searched high and low through thick and thin but mostly thin...no offense to anyone. and i found i lovely gorgeous red headed women by the name of Renee Olstead she is definitely pretty i first layed eyes on this boob-static red head on the show Still Standing. it took a while before i could actually see the potential she had for been super Hot. I was made fun of for thinking this girl would be hot whose laughing now??ha