Getting laid too easy? Heres a lilltle game to try out.

“If you don’t use it, you lose it” is an ancient biblical proverb that I strictly follow in my pursuit of being awesome. It’s a scientific fact that your awesome muscles can atrophy if not properly tested on a consistent basis. This of course is why I recently accepted the challenge of trying to get laid while wearing a pair of overalls – (Sex Difficulty Level - 8.2). However, please keep in mind that not everyone’s at my master level – so here are a few easier ones to try to keep in shape and thus not “lose it.”


Leather Vest* Difficulty level 5.7


A vest should never be seen outside a perfectly tailored three piece suit. Ladies, with their heightened sense of fashion, instinctually know this. NOTE: the difficulty level drops to a 2.1 if worn in a biker bar and down to a 1.4 if worn at a rodeo.


Fast Food Uniform* Difficulty level 6.9 / 4.8 (city/highway)

By proudly declaring your minimum wage status you might think the ladies will refuse to show interest. However, in this case, it’s all about the demographic. Cougars looking to recapture the glow of their youth will find you irresistible, especially if said uniform is complete w/ a funny wedge cap. NOTE: Remember to shave as a baby face is the ticket to glory.


Hawaiian Shirt* Difficulty level 2.4

Loud prints and a complete lack of tailoring may be repellant to you, but like the fast food uniform above, it will appeal to a certain demographic – in this case girls with daddy issues. The shirt will remind them of the infrequent vacations with their families, the only time in their childhood where dad paid any attention to them at all – at least before he was four umbrella drinks deep.


Vampire* Difficulty level 1.0


If you need a confidence boost try this one. Simply apply some white face powder and a soulful yet wounded gaze. Mention that you have been alive for a hundred years and that the moment you saw her, you knew she was the one you had waited an eternity for. Refuse to eat or drink anything in her presence and rattle off some sob stories about how much it rains in your small Washington town.


* Null and void if you’re in a band. Rocker types can wear anything and get laid. Cheating? Yes. Awesome? Also yes

I know it's not MLK today but i was thinking.

If Today was Martin Luther King Day;then i would write something to....honor him. he was a pretty awesome bro. He taught us to have dreams and stuff. So I thought I’d share with you mine: 


I Have A Dream


I have a dream that one day all bros will rise up and live out the true meaning of their creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident - that all boobs are created pretty good." 


I have a dream that one day black and white chicks will come together in my bed.


I have a dream that all peoples of this great nation will suit up together and that polyester will be abolished forever.


I have a dream that one day, all tee-shirts will be wet and boob jobs will be free.


I have a dream that there will be a television network that shows only “Predator” 24 hours a day.


I have a dream that feels like I’m falling and then I wake up before I hit the ground. It happens a lot. Should I see a doctor or something?


I have a dream that babies don’t cry on planes, that men don’t wear Uggs, that “second base” replaces the handshake, that girls leave when you’re done, that there are no waits for cabs, that I can look at a woman’s chest area without getting a dirty look. Yeah, you wore that blouse because you don’t want me to look there. ha yeah right! 


I have a dream

Whose the hottess Victoria's Secret model?

Ha! like it really matter there are no other girls hotter then these models who Victoria had a very difficult time trying to keep secret from us. i was thinking today went i was been memorized by Adriana Lima

Then i though about Miranda Kerr who is like the cutest hottest women ever well almost. I mean come on can you find something that is wrong with her. Dont worry i'll wait....still waiting..... i know right there is nothing i mind how can there be. But hottest Secret? I dont know.

after Miranda  i though of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and how freakishly hot she is. oh and Rosie is so hot that she actually replaced Megan Fox's job to be hot in the new transformers 3 movie so you  know Rosie is super doper hot. oh and that  probably the last time im going to say super doper.

I could go on and on about whose hot and whose hotter but its a just going to keep getting more and more difficult to decide so i present you Marissa Miller. Who i personally think is not only the hottest Victoria's Secret model but actually the hottest women alive! yeah i know what i said and i said alive! dont believe me? take a look for your self.

Oh and theres also Candice Swanepoel whose cool too. ;-)

 

what history says

My best friend and I recently had a disagreement. He thinks when you tell a story you should stick to the facts no matter how boring or lame they are. But that’s stupid. And you know who agrees with me? History. History is full of awesome stories that obviously aren’t true. 

Alexander the Great 320 B.C.

What History Says: By the time he was 29 he had conquered much of the civilized world, uniting the lands of Greece, Persia and Egypt.

Truth: Have you ever heard of anyone in their twenties who does anything other than test the upper limits of his alcohol tolerance and work on growing new and exciting facial hair configurations? Exactly. Alexander, or “A-Train,” as his friends called him, was no different. Truth is, the only conquering he ever did was beating his friend Darius once at beer pong. It was an impressive showing, however. A-Train came back from a five cup deficit, then won in a gripping back-and-forth overtime. Darius died that night from alcohol poisoning.

Boston Tea Party December 16, 1773

What History says: A bunch of colonists were upset over the Tea Act passed by the British Government, so they protested by throwing hundreds of chests of tea into the harbor, thus helping to spark the American Revolution.

Truth: The Boston Tea Party was, in fact, an actual tea party, complete with tiny cups, lace doilies and sugar cubes. The colonists talked about how upset they were, then cried. Oprah was there. Frankly, it was a low point for our founding bros.

Gettysburg Address November 19, 1863

What History Says: School children are captivated by the story of Noble Abe penning his great speech on the back of an envelope on his way to Gettysburg.

Truth: Old Abe totally forgot he was supposed to give a speech that day. He’d been up all night playing Dungeons and Dragons and drinking Fanta with his buddy, Ulysses. Boy was he wrecked. He just got up there and started stringing words together. “Four score” isn’t even a number… it’s a solid weekend. What up.

Titanic April 10, 1912

What History Says: The Titanic, the largest passenger ship of its time, embarked on its maiden and a mere four days later, the supposedly unsinkable ship hit an iceberg and sank.

Truth: Really!? Downed by an ice cube!? I don’t think so. Actually, around day three of the voyage they came across an island of beautiful women. The men decided to put the women and children in life boats and then sailed back to the island to live out their days in coital bliss. But the truth doesn’t get you a large insurance settlement.

Moon Landing July 20, 1969
What History Says: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin climbed out of their space capsule, into an atmosphere with no oxygen and minimal gravity, and planted the American flag on the surface of the moon.

Truth: Uh, it’s the freakin’ moon. It’s super far away. Obviously, no one can get there. It takes like a year just to get to Jersey. Neil and Buzz probably spent the afternoon by the pool, drinking martinis and sexually harassing chicks because it was the 60’s and that’s what astronauts did. Honestly, that sounds just as, if not more, awesome.

what up!!(high pitch voice) so today i was thinking what would be a good thing to talk about and since i LOVE women i though picking the hot babes of the week would be something good so i searched high and low through thick and thin but mostly thin...no offense to anyone. and i found i lovely gorgeous red headed women by the name of Renee Olstead she is definitely pretty i first layed eyes on this boob-static red head on the show Still Standing. it took a while before i could actually see the potential she had for been super Hot. I was made fun of for thinking this girl would be hot whose laughing now??ha

Where do I began?

So for my first official blog post i am going to write about music and my  top 5 favorite bands. In our day and age music plays a big role must of us do not leave our house without our ipods right so for the reason i want to show everyone my top 5 and stay tune my top five usually changes every month.

 5th place is a band that is rock band from Chicago, Illinois, formed in 1999. The band currently consists of Tim McIlrath (lead vocals, rhythm guitar), Zach Blair (lead guitar, backing vocals), Joe Principe (bass guitar, backing vocals) and Brandon Barnes (drums, percussion) this is definitely a band you guys should take a listen to: 

RISE AGAINST

 4th place is a band that i enjoy listening to on my drives to and from the beach it really gets you in the mode this band formed in Los Angeles in 1992. The band now consists of Rivers Cuomo (lead vocals, guitar), Patrick Wilson (drums, guitar, backing vocals), Brian Bell (guitar, backing vocals, keyboards), and Scott Shriner (bass, backing vocals, keyboards) this band comes out with literally album that can all be singles.

WEEZER

3rd place goes to a band that i heard but never gave much attention to before but after i took a minute to listen i definitely made this band one of my all time favorite bands. this band from Las Vegas, Nevada, which formed in 2002. The band consists of Brandon Flowers (vocals, keyboards)( who also is has a solo album coming out soon), Dave Keuning (guitar, backing vocals), Mark Stoermer (bass guitar, backing vocals) and Ronnie Vannucci Jr. (drums, percussion). 

THE KILLER

2nd place the runner up to this months MyTop 5 bands goes to a band that really come out of nowhere i was listening to the radio one day and out come this band that really made me like them. This band from Winter Haven, Florida, formed in 2002. Since the beginning of 2007, the band has consisted of lead vocalist Stephen Christian, bassist Deon Rexroat, lead guitarist Joseph Milligan, drummer Nathan Young and rhythm guitarist Christian McAlhaney. it all started with The Feel Good Drag which is one of there singles.

ANBERLIN

1st place this month goes to a band that has everything you'd want in a rock band they come out with constancy single after single of good music. band from Los Angeles, formed in 1998. Since 2007, the band has been composed of actor Jared Leto (lead vocals, rhythm guitar, songwriter), Shannon Leto (drums, percussion) and Tomo Miličević (lead guitar, keyboards). Following the departure of Matt Wachter (now of Angels & Airwaves) in 2007, Tim Kelleher became the bassist for the group, performing live only with both Jared and Miličević recording bass for studio recordings, while Braxton Olita (keyboards) was added to the touring lineup in 2009. Previously, the group also featured guitarists Solon Bixler (now of Great Northern) and Kevin Drake. come on do i really have to say anything else that you havent heard this band Rocks 

30 SECONDS TO MARS

hey i dont know that much about blogging im learning as i go but yup this is myTop5